The night before my A Levels results were released, I wrote a journal entry titled Prologue/Epilogue. I didn't know what my results would turn out to be, and in turn what future I was going to lead. I felt fear at the thought of leaving the country, and yet I could not imagine myself here.
A week has passed, and apparently I've done great enough to pursue my childhood dreams of spending my uni days in the UK. My reaction surprised even myself - I was at quite a bit of a loss. I wanted this, and yet longed for the life I am yet to leave behind. I stay up at night thinking about how I could come up with ways to stop time, to cup the faces of my friends, family, as they laugh with me, to whisper please. Just please. Somehow that says more than whatever it is I'm feeling and can say.
I bid adieu to the life I'm leaving behind, to the person I used to be, and simultaneously fall and rise at this farewell. I worry a lot, as is my wont, and I will myself to stop, so I can smell the roses on my way, so that I can focus on what is immediately in front of me, instead of miles away. That way I worry less. That way things don't seem to be flying out of my grasp.
My heart soars at the love I have gained in the past year, and the person I've found myself to be over that same period of time. And I know - I'll find myself even more through this journey, insha Allah. I just need to be strong.
